What was that?

In the age of children or in the aggressiveness of youth, under an argument or a fight, the following statements are typically uttered.

Saami (or Amma) saththiyama sollu nee idhai pannalai?  [Promise on God (or Mother) (or colloquially, God promise), you never did it?]
Veliya vaadaa, naan gavanichchukkaraen [Come outside bugger, you'll be taken care of (as a dare)]
Dhairiyam irundhaa, irundhu sandai poduraa [If you have the guts, stand and fight] 

I did a double take and ROTFL when I saw the following ad in the newspaper yesterday. Either the CM of Karnataka is naive to wage war with the wily ex-CM in the name of God or his IQ has inched negatively as he aged. Looks like this tête-à-tête is lined for June 27. Oh boy! Who said politics here is drab? With folks like these, it is hilarity at its best. India rocks. :-) :-).

What?

People are dumb (Disclaimer: I don't claim to be an intellectual of any kind.). How else can you explain this? Was having blogger posting problems and was looking if it was reported by others and came across the following.

A box at the top says some status information about maintenance, which people generally don't read and which is excusable.

But how on earth can one find a cryptic answer like "bX-d7hq04" be helpful to anyone and which is actually an error code thrown by the Webpage to be shared in the forums to see if someone has a similar issue and potentially a solution. Maybe people thought it was similar to the 'Like' button of FaceBook / Google Reader and then clicked on it.

Speak about 'click conditioning'! Hmmph!

The world's costliest curd rice

Rs.10000 for 5 spoons of curd rice. Yes, it is true!

The parents like their curds/buttermilk and their offspring vanish at the sight of it. The milk derivative is scorned at, if it is present at the dining table. It is not as if that the kids haven't tasted them. It was not condemned when they were younger, but one fine day they developed a dis-taste to it all of a sudden and then stopped abruptly. No amount of pleadings, inducements, coercion and threats could make their children ingest curd in any fashion.

This continued for a few years and the parents persisted in their attempts to induce the habit into their children. One day, they struck a deal with their son of giving him Rs.10000 in cold cash, if he takes a few spoonfuls of curd rice. Eyes bright at the prospect of a quick buck, the son accepted the challenge and the parents thought it was all verbal daredevilry. Their daughter was made of sterner stuff. She flatly refused in spite of promising what she considers her ultimate gift, a pet cat.

The next day, around noon, the father was called up at his office by his wife with the news that their son ate five spoonfuls of curd rice, whilst making contorted faces. And he liked it. :)

A promise is a promise and to be honorable, the parents have decided to keep their word.

Now it is up to you to decide if it was the costliest curd rice ever. Maybe! And the quest would continue with the daughter. And you know who the cast in this anecdote are. :-D

Agni Nakshathram

No, it is not a review on the sibling confrontation movie from Maniratnam that came more than two decades back.

Visited Madras (aka Chennai) over the last weekend and here is some unsolicited advice for those headed to Madras from Bangalore (aka Bengaluru), this month. Of course, this doesn't apply to those who live there. They are demi-gods and hence super-natural. They can tolerate even Fukushima. :-D

• Never under-estimate the weather at Madras even if you have snow or hail falling at you on the way. We were greeted by blinding rain at Krishnagiri which we hoped would extend all the way to the coast. Alas!, 10 kms out of Krishnagiri and the clouds wore out to beat us blue and whack.
• Madras has only 3 swings of temperature across the day/night - warmish hot, sweaty hot, 'sap the hell out of you and blow your head' gory hot. Any other weather is God's gift.
• Of course, the night is hot, unless you catch a short warm draft of the sea-breeze close to the shore. You can wake up in the morning at 6:30 am to see your sweatfest begin.
• God forbid if the power goes off (which seems to be the case routinely there) and you are out of inverter power (you'll be roasted to die without power in Madras). Of course, the 220V voltage dips down to 180V and so a fan at speed-5 is the same as a fan at speed-1.
• This is one city where the bathrooms need to have fans (not just exhaust, but inlet and ceiling ones) and the minute you are out of the bath, you would have taken a bath of sweat unless the room you go into is air-conditioned.
• Venture into T-Nagar, only to go into the air-conditioned showrooms that do not have the swarming crowds (find out if there are really any!)
• Of course, there are good things that you can do over the week/weekends to escape the heat. Loiter around in huge centrally air-conditioned newbie malls like Express Avenue. Going by the crowd that seems to be there on weekends, you can scramble into a theater near you. The tickets are less than half the price that of the ones that the Bangalorean multiplexes rip you of. Of course, we got ripped off at the 'Polar Express' at Express Avenue mall like a doofus to go to what was nothing but shredded ice sprayed as snow in an enclosure with a few ice sculptures. Boy!, there was a crowd there too to try to beat the heat, no wonder.
• Marina is potentially a no-no. In the evenings, there is a tsunami of floating population out there waiting for the poor-man's cooler, the sea. 
• There are confusing fly-overs and watch out for the spoils of war of your vehicle (dents and scratches) with the Chennai roads.
• Traffic is sparsely better than in Bangalore in most parts. Madras is building a metro and its effects can be seen in the Anna Nagar area in the evenings where the Bangalorean crawl seemed like a jackrabbit sprint. But nothing to beat us in this department.
• In the hum of a spinning fan, dream that a foggy mist awaits you in the morning, and dream only (It is really true that in Bangalore, especially the fringes, have fog and mist in the mornings this time of the year too :-D) Ask your host to get an Almonard industrial strength fan which could propel one standing before it to fly. :-)

Or, look at the benefits; foodie places like Sangeetha's, Saravana Bhavan, Murugan Idly Shop, Adyar Grand Sweets etc for an eat-out binge (which are typically more expensive than a movie ticket), no dearth of shopping haunts and bazaars, hear a new dialect of Tamizh - the Madras Baashai, be in a natural sauna to get rid of your fat via sweat. Move to Madras, condition yourself for a month or two and then declare to one and all proudly that you can survive Al'Aziziyah!

Universality

It was a very busy week with everyone in my team struggling to cope. Was in a team meeting where some action items were being discussed and disbursed. There was one line item which had no takers. Our manager called out to one who was logged in on the conference bridge. "Rob, looks like it is in your area. Do you want to take it?" Rob, after a few moments of silence, replied. "Ok, I'll take it. Does it really matter that with my work and the other actions, I am already under water. It doesn't matter if it is an inch or a foot. Pile it on.". And we burst out laughing.

Reminded me of a Tamizh saying (or movie song) தலைக்கு மேலே வெள்ளம் போனால் சான் என்ன முழம் என்ன (When the flood flows above your head; matters not the measure, a cubit or a wrist!)

Some adages (sayings) are indeed universal!!! :-)

Intrusion

The door was securely locked and the house fairly clean. I state 'fairly' as I agree with what Sneha (or was it Srikanth?) tells in the movie 'Parthiban Kanavu' about a house needing to be a home and not a museum to be absolutely spick and span. :-D [Now I am sure to be taken care of with the ammikkal I had referred to in the travelogue :-) as already the dining table is never used for dining.]

We return back in the night after around 6 hours. Door was still securely locked. Things looked the same, that is, almost.

RamMmm: Who left these banana peels here, in the middle of the room?
La Niña: Don't know, not me.
RamMmm shrugs, moves the peels to a safe place and climbs upstairs.
RamMmm (with a slightly raised voice): Who ate bananas? Who dropped the peels on the stairs? Someone could slip
La Niña, Señora (surprised): What? No one ate any bananas.
Señora (from the kitchen): Why is the packet of salt on the floor and broken?
(Bulbs flash that it could have been an intruder...)
Señora (panic): Go, go, go see if all the doors are still locked.
RamMmm (scrambling): Yes, they are. But wait, one window is open!
Señora: All bananas are missing.
(Ha Haa, more bulbs again) 

It must have been a simian (Sherlock Holmes, ahem! me, deduces that there must have been only one because two would have caused mayhem inside the house, Two is company, isn't it?) that has sauntered in through an open window on 1st floor, pass 2 rooms, climb down the stairs to the ground floor, get into the kitchen and finish off around 10 yelakki bananas, throw the peels here and there, push a few things down and make an escape long before we were back.

Our laugh amongst all this was that El Niño's keychain that has a small rubbery banana toy attached, was targeted by the monkey as a real banana. It was ripped into two pieces and discarded. Maybe should have been there to see the face of the monkey when it bit into the rubbery banana. :-D

And now, the security threat level in the house has been raised to Orange (high risk) from Blue (guarded), [Ha Ha Ha, blame the US Dept of Homeland Security for these coloring schemes] where most of the windows and doors will be locked down before any trip out of the house, however short the duration. The next day, it was noticed that lots of Alpenliebe wrappers were strewn on the sunshades with the candy gone. Smart monkeys, there are, and they become smarter by the day, living alongside us. God save!

[There had been a burglary a few months back in our layout where the burglar(s) cleaned up almost all valuables in the house, opened the fridge, ate whatever was in there and then made good their escape while the inmates continued to sleep. :-( Another one happened in just a gap of around 2 hours in the evening when the people were out for a function. They returned to find the house vandalized and some valuables along with cash gone. This house was in the direct line of sight of the layout's security gate. And hence all the paranoia]

Food Mélange - Data (Mis)Interpretation

Guess the day's food menu based on the following data! :-) If anyone can derive an 'acceptable for all' menu (if it does exist with this set!), they shall be awarded an MBA by this blogger.

All characters anonymized below are real and existing with the listed characteristics and under an identity protection plan. :-D

• [C] likes idli, but [D] doesn't, [A] and [B] don't care.
• [D] likes dosai and so do [B] and [C].
• Crisp dosai only for [D] and need not be so for [C].
• Toasted Bread is preferred by [D] and raw it is, for [B] and no bread for [C].
• [B], [A] and [D] like sandwiches and [C] does not.
• Cheese is loved by [B] and [D] and not [A] and to an extent [C].
• Mint chutney favoured by [C] and [B], [D] doesn't care.
• Non-hot chutney-pudi for [B] and hot molagai podi for [C] and [D] to go with idli/dosa.
• Breakfast cereals okay for [D], [A] and [B], but not for [C].
• No fruits for [D] except orange, fruits okay for [A],[C] and none for [B].
• Fruit juice is okay for [B] and [C] and to a far lower extent [D] and [A].
• Masala Dosai preferred for [B], but not for [D].
• Coconut Chutney okay for [C] and [D] and not for [B] and [A].
• [D] likes Dosa with Vaththa kuzhambu, but [B] hates Vaththa Kuzhambu.
• Snake gourd curry for all but not for [C].
• Direct roasted potato for [B] and [D] and cooked and roasted for [A].
• Ladies' finger (Okra) fine for [C] and not for [A] and [B].
• Ketchup with chapathi for [B], but never for [D] and [A].
• Upma with onions hated by [C] and okay for [D], [B] and [A].
• Rice for [A] and need not for [C] and [B].
• Avalakki (அவல்) bhath for [C], but not for [D].
• [B], [C] and [D] love noodles, but [A] does not.
• [A] can live with just curd rice, but [B] runs at the sight of it.
• [C] hates capsicum, but okay for [D] and [A].
• Pav-Bhaji anytime for [D] and [B], but not regularly for [A].
• Curds and rice, go well for [A] and not for [B].
• [C] and [A] do not hate Pizza, but [B] loves them.
• [B] and [D] love pasta, but [A] does not.
• Chapathis anytime for [B] and [A], but not for [C].

Hmm... No wonder Señora is 'very happy' in the mornings as she plans for the day. ;-)

Note - MBA is Maestro of Breakfast/Lunch Administration

The Lucia dalliance

I met Lucia for the first time two weeks or so back.

She is a pretty girl, maybe a teen or older, with a few pimples, dove eyed, sporting a double braid, not too verbose, very nimble and sharp, gauges the people who interact with her accurately, knows how to whistle and is ready for a challenge anytime. She is impossible to outwit. She is a southpaw and that is why I think she is creative in foxing me with her cunning twists in our conversations. I meet her on the weekends and sometimes on weekdays in the evenings. She gnaws at my head regularly by being an epitome of concentration and skill. I am starting to love and simultaneously hate her for psyching me and putting me out of rhythm and thereby egging me implicitly to try harder.

Who is this Lucia? She is the "virtual" champion, a character in the table-tennis sport on the Wii Sports Resort game for the Nintendo Wii. I encountered her for the first time after a series of games and boy!, what a roadblock she is, for stopping our march to a dead stop. I have been repeatedly mauled at a zero score umpteen times and neither me nor El Niño has been able to break past her save a couple of points.

It has become an obsession to try to defeat her using all the tricks in our arsenal. The beauty of the game is that it is so real and close to a game played on a table-tennis table where all tricks you do with a real racquet and a ball are accomplished with the Wiimote and twists of your wrist. I was testing my skill 2 days back at 6:30 AM after me getting off a conference that started at 4:30 AM (Don't ask me why at that hour of the soundest sleep. :-( That was when I could catch my stake holders.)

No wonder Señora is not amused!!! [Nyet, it is not for the early morn meet, but for the early morn gaming :-)]

The barometer ...

Cheee!!! Horrible, Ugly.
It looks so 'gandha'. (gandha-dirty in Hindi)
Yeow! Inji thinna korangu maadhiri irukku (like a monkey that has been zinged by biting pungent ginger)
Ennadaa idhu? Yaendaa? (What is this? Why?)

So, what are these reactions to?

(h)ear (h)ear

How does it feel when an insect decides to have a rendezvous with your ear canal and decides to end its life there? I was in splits at the misery of a fellow blogger who logged such an experience a few months back. I never imagined that I'd be aurally deficient for 2 days from my own doing which ended only after a visit to an ENT specialist.

My ear seems to be a gunk magnet and needs to be taken care of every now and then. In the process of one such twiddling operation with ear buds two days back, I messed up, causing some gunk to half-block one of my ears. From hearing in 2 channel stereo, I was reduced to a 1.5 channel stereo with one ear struggling to hear. My ear was reacting to it in a funny fashion. I take a finger close to my faulty ear and I could hear odd whoosh sounds inside. I take the finger away and the sound reduced and faded. The tuning fork experiments in the Physics labs of yore flashed back.

Me, being the eternal experimenter, for relief, tried pouring warm water (not hot water, mind it) into the ear, shook and slanted the head in an effort to cajole the gunk to come out, but it refused. After a few minutes, it almost became a single channel stereo, disorienting me with a perpetual whoosh sound and a 'goiiiiiinnn' sound (:-) there is a medical term for the ringing, buzzing, crackling and hissing sound, 'tinnitus'). In spite of careful prodding with Johnson's ear buds, it worsened and I was a verbal wreck, bugging Señora every now and then (நச்சரிப்பு) to see with a flashlight if she could see something inside. Fed up on my antics from the morning, she quipped "இப்போவே இப்படி, இன்னும் வயசானா என்னெல்லாம் படுத்துவியோ". (It is like this now itself, I dread it when you age older)

Drove with the mono-aural capability to an ENT specialist in the evening who 'irrigated' my ear with warm water and washed the gunk out restoring my stereo hearing to all glory, all in just around 3-5 minutes, the driving took 25 minutes each way and the waiting at the empty clinic, another 30 minutes.

Today morning 'el Niño' was in a bad mood and left a piece of dosai in his breakfast plate, and I told him not to waste food as half the world goes hungry every day and that he was wasting food and hence money. Came a quick-fire retort, "You wasted money yesterday at the doctor by not knowing how to clean your ears properly. I don't do that. Ok!!!". I was speechless.

Lessons learnt - Avoid using ear buds to clean your ear, they could push the wax further into the ear canal, causing you extreme discomfort. Do not advise kids when they are in a foul mood. You will get it right back where you expected it least. :-) :-)

Unworded - The new generation schooler's principle

I rebel and therefore I am                 (Snapped from my brother's kid's Tee-shirt)

 

 

My imagination runs riot

[Long post alert]

I have always been intrigued and to an extent foxed by headlines which say something like this.

Manmohan Singh [MS] discusses with Nicolas Sarkozy [NS] on climate change
TN CM Karunanidhi [MK] meets Simon Beresford-Wylie [SW], CEO of Nokia Siemens Networks

What do the biggies discuss in those meetings? Obviously MS won't discuss technicalities of ozone holes, glacial melting, Kyoto protocol, carbon credits, weather satellites etc with NS. Maybe they talk in generality in those meetings with courtesies and small talk, the bigger issues as memoranda etc being covered by their secretaries and the technocrats behind them and then go just to sign on the papers. I don't doubt that some are savvy in certain domains, but I feel that it is usually the "behind the scenes" bureaucrats who move the system.

For example SW, won't talk 4G, 5G, software defined radio, EV-DO, WiMAX, LTE, packet backbones or network evolution with [MK] or his aides like his deputy CM [MS], the union ministers [AR] (who obviously would be there for meetings like this)  and the other cabinet minister [MA]. BTW, [SW] is no more the CEO of Nokia-Siemens, it is Rajeev Suri now.

Last week, on TV, I was watching a verbal duel between Jairam Ramesh and a group of scientists in a meeting over genetically engineered brinjal (And what is it with TimesNow channel! Showing it all over and over again as if India has walked out of the Copenhagen Summit). Never thought that the scientists could shout and heckle him off the stage. One minister whom I have seen talk some sense in a techie meeting (though not in depth) is Kapil Sibal, when he was in the Ministry of Communications at some IEEE conference in New Delhi. He talked on the social aspect of technology and ramifications and gave some interesting stats.

Here is my unofficial "imagination run riot" take on how the MS-NS or the MK-SW meeting may have progressed. The general folks have no clue on what transpires in those meetings as everyone involved is bound by the "official code/oath of secrecy", whatever it is. And all the disclaimers apply.

For example, this could be the hidden transcript of the meeting between MS and NS.

[MS]: Welcome, Mr. NS
[NS]: Thank you, Mr. MS [shakes hands]
[MS]: Please take a seat [motions NS to his seat]
[NS]: Thank you.
[NS]: [Clears throat] M, Why is it that you always wear a purple head thing?
[MS]: [smiles] No special reason Mr.S. I just like the colour. The head thing's name is turban.
[NS]: Turban, now I know. The one Osama wears. Do you know, we have a new rule in France that bans purdah for women in public? I am not sure if the rule covers turbans. If so, you may have to pay a fine of 500 euros next time when you visit France. [guffaws]
[MS]: [sheepish grin and mumbles] But turban is different from purdah and this is different from Osama's.
[NS]: Did you say something Man?
[MS]: No No. Please have some water. The water is bottled naturally at the glacial springs in the Himalayas.
[NS]: Merci. The water is not from Evian!!! [Turns to his aide and says, Pouvez-vous me faire l'eau d'Evian?] You see, I get my own water, "La France est grande".
[MS]: How is Ms.Carla Bruni?
[NS]: Ah! Asking about my suprême dame. Je t'aime Carla. She is busy and into musique these days. She is also thinking of modeling. Model, you see. Karl Lagerfeld, Yves Saint Laurent, Gucci, Roberto Cavalli, Miuccia Prada, Donna Karen you see.
[MS]: [Gulps]
[NS]: How about your life, M?
[MS]: [Peers through his glasses]. No personal life Mr.S. My madame is doing good. Daughter is in the US, making Obama's life difficult. My political life is in the hands of Soniaji. [clasps his hands]
[NS]: Ha Ha. Obama, he is inexperienced, ill-prepared by his advisors and not up to standards, vous voyez. And Merkel, she is a copy-cat and Zapatero, the Spanish guy, not very clever. [smiles and then grins] Sonia, Ahhh, Let me talk to Silvio. Nous sommes de proches amis.
[MS]: [Startled that NS may comment something more controversial] Shall we quickly run through our releases, before we meet the press?
[NS]: Okay. Commençons.
 
[The teams run through the text of the press releases while the heads acknowledge and sip water]
 
[MS]: [to his aide] Can we please have the official photographer come in and take a photo of our meeting?
 
[The photo of all the key folks sitting on a table with some papers on it and sitting on the comfy wide sofas facing each other is taken]
 
[MS]: Let us go to the press conference, Mr. S? The press would be waiting.

[They walk to a room where cameras and microphones are setup like a garbage dump one on top of each other and news folks overflowing in the room]

[MS]: Good evening ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to the briefing. Myself and Mr. NS have had wide ranging discussions a few minutes back on terrorism, environment, culture and international relations. We have pledged to work together on issues of mutual and national importance and [blah blah blah]
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

This could be the transcript between MK-SW meeting.

The meeting room has MK, AR, MS and MA and their secretaries. SW is ushered in with a colleague or two.

[SW]: [looking at all] va-na-kkaa-m.
[All]: வணக்கம். [and nod their heads]
[SW]: Thank you Sir, for meeting us.
[MK]: Thank you. This is MS, my deputy, this is MA, minister of textiles, this is AR, the telecom emperor.
 
[SW is confused, who is who, since all of them are wearing the 'karai' white veshti and has no clue why the others, especially the minister of textiles, are in this meeting]

[SW]: Nice to meet you, Sirs.
[MK]: உங்க companyல என்னவெல்லாம் பண்ணுறீங்க? (What all do you do in your company?)
[SW]: In addition to phones and their software, we work in latest wireless technology like 4G, 5G, WiMAX, Wide band frequency hopping spread spectrum receivers.
 
[AR is now fully alert on hearing the terms 4G, 5G and spectrum in the reply.]
 
[MK]: [shakes head to ack] and then looks at AR and MA. என்ன தம்பிங்களா, நமக்கு 2.5Gலயே நல்ல ஆதாயம். இவரு என்னமோ இன்னும் நிறைய சொல்லுறார். பாத்துக்கோ. (Dear folks, We had a windfall in 2.5G. This person is talking of more things. Look out)
[SW]: Sir, that additional land requested for expansion ...
[MK]: [looks at his secretary] எல்லா விஷயமும் சொல்லிறுப்பா. (tell him all the info) [looks at SW] My secretary will help you with all that and I'll approve. Don't worry
[SW]: Thank You, Sir.
  
[Secretary looks at SW like a lamb being taken for slaughter]

[MK]: ஒன்னு தோணுது. ஒரு புது திட்டம். தமிழ்நாட்டுல எல்லா குடும்பத்துக்கும் இலவசமா 2 cell phone குடுக்கலாம்னு, இலவச TV மாதிரி. இவங்க phone பண்ணுறாங்க இல்ல. என்ன பண்ண முடியும்னு கேக்கலாம். நாம இலவச cycle குடுத்தோம், இலவச கல்யாண பணம் குடுத்தோம், இலவச TV குடுத்தோம், Rs.2 அரிசி குடுத்தோம். இப்போ இலவச mobile குடுத்தா நம்மளை சரித்திரம் மறக்கவே மறக்காது. தம்பி MS, நீ இதை பாத்துக்கோ. [to secretary] இதையும் discuss பண்ணிருப்பா. (Something strikes me. A scheme. We shall give 2 cell phones free for every family in TN. These folks make phones. We can ask what can be done from these folks. We gave free cycles, free money for newly-weds, free TV and rice for Rs.2 and now free phones. We will never be forgotten in history. Dear MS, please take care of this [to secretary] Please discuss this as well) 
[AR, MA, MS]: தலைவரே. உங்கள மாதிரி யாரும் யோசிக்க முடியாது. (Nobody can think like you, our leader)
 
[SW blinks, not understanding what is being talked about]
 
[MK]: We will issue a press release. My secretary will get in touch with you further.
[SW]: Thanks for the meeting, Sir.
[MK]: We shall have a photo for the press release. Please wait.

[Photographer comes in and SW poses with a bouquet to be given to MK]

[SW]: Thank You, Sir.
[All]: Thank You. 

[Next day press release - TN CM's meeting with Nokia-Siemens CEO. New people-friendly CM's scheme for the people of TN to be announced on April 1.]